[WARNING!: THE FOLLOWING BLOG CONTAINS FLASHBACKS. DO NOT BE ALARMED. TRY TO KEEP UP. DO NOT BE AFRAID TO REREAD IF NECESSARY.]

The Arrogant Texan is back from sabbatical. I didn't go far, but a lot has happened since my last blog. I moved back to Fort Worth. I'm currently jobless. What a perfect time to start blogging again.

I'll start with the move . . . With rising gas prices and four years of tiredly driving back and forth (2-hour round trip), I figured it would be just as economical and EASIER to closer to work. So around the beginning of the new year, I began the process of apartment shopping, and after looking at several properties, I found my new home, which in fact, was my old home. I moved back to the complex I lived in before I moved to Waxahachie. Crazy? Not really. I really liked it the first time: location -- away from the hectic, yet close enough to everything; complex size -- small, quiet and absent from the feeling of human sardines in three story fish cans. I signed the lease the first of March and was moved in by the middle of March. Two months later, I was handed a letter of layoff. Three months later, I am jobless.

On May 12, 2008, I, along with three other colleagues, were given letters of termination, explaining due to budget cuts we were being let go. Seems the seminary was having money problems and our retrenchment was the first of several to come to help solve the money problems. The solution was to get rid of career salaried with benefit personnel and replace them with cheaper hourly workers without benefits. Thoughtfully (don't forget I'm sarcastic), we were allowed to work 30 days while we looked for other work, informed that after those 30 days there would be no severance or qualifying for unemployment benefits.

On Wednesday, June 11, 2008, six days shy of 8 ½ years, my career with SWBTS and Roberts Library ended. (*PAUSE* take a moment here if needed.)

The ironic part was two months before receiving my letter, I had already started the process of looking for another job. Over the last couple of years, I begin to feel more and more the separation of my beliefs/ideas from the organization I which I was working. I brushed off and gussied up the ol' resume and sent it out. A week before the delivery of my layoff letter, doors started to open. I interviewed with the public library system, and was contacted by the Human Resource Director of a major university via the recommendation of a friend. Like anything, my layoff didn't come as shock to God, who seemed to already be turning the wheels for the next chapter of my life.

I'm not going to lie, it came as a shock, and I think I went through the standard stages of grieving any loss (probably still going through some of the processes). The hardest thing for me was (still is) my workers. I've been a boss for over seven years, and felt like I was just getting the process down. My workers, are my family, and I hated to think what might be in store for them. Talking with Re"bec"ca, my sister, just the other day, I still got choked up, but she put it the best way -- I saw it as my responsibility to care for and protect them. I was glad to be going -- felt freer by the day, but was afraid of how this might effect their stability. I had just had two workers leave for the summer with the intent on hiring them back, and now I didn't know if it would happen because I wouldn't be there to make sure it happened. Those were the two toughest e-mails I had to write, and the only time in the 30 days that I had an emotional meltdown at work. Again, my mom reminded me, "Rachael, just like your situation didn't come as a surprise to God, your workers' situations didn't come as surprise to God either." I had to remind myself of that plenty of times over those 30 days.

I've always had a problem with that first step of blind faith. I like security, plans, organization, and lists -- lots of lists. My plan was to have another job secured, give my two week notice, and ride off into the sunset towards a new job -- no disruption in finances or other securities a full-time job provides. I guess this is my time to get a BIG lesson in the faithfulness of God.

And so the lesson begins. Stay tuned.