Rebecca is doing as well as could be expected. Her surgery went well; it only took a little over three hours -- almost an hour shorter than expected. Her incision is a lot larger than previous surgeries, so I think that's probably why she seems to be rallying a lot slower -- the goal for the day was pain management.

Today's been a rough day. Once they switched her over to some different meds -- the morphine "tokes: just weren't cutting it -- she's been able to sleep some. Here's hoping for better evening and even better tomorrow.

I think I'm about to pop in a movie. I've got Across the Universe and Persepolis to watch.

I've been wanting to see both of them, but always forgot about them on my trade-in trips to Blockbuster.  Let me know if you've seen them, and I'll be sure to let you know what I think.

So I thought over the next coming weeks (or months) I’d share some of the lessons I’m being taught and hopefully learning from. Today, I thought I’d share the first lesson from my layoff.

I was actually out sick the morning my other three colleagues received their retrenchment letters, so I got mine on Tuesday, June 12. Emotionally, I was fine all day at work -- naturally, a little shaken, but didn’t breakdown at all. That held until I got home and tried to sleep that night. That’s when I experienced my first REAL moment of panic, “I just signed a year lease. I have bills to pay. What am I going to do? Should I try to get out of my lease? Can I get out of my lease? How much is that going to cost me? Electric bill? What am I going to do about health insurance? Rent? What am I going to do if Fort Worth doesn’t hire me? What if I can’t get a job? Student loan payment? FUEL costs?”

By 1:30am (now Wednesday) I was in tears. I gave up trying to sleep, and decided to put my thoughts to pen and paper, but after about 30 minutes I was still in a state of unrest, so I decided to read to try to settle my thoughts and get my mind on something else. Luckily, I decided to get a jump start on that day’s scripture readings, and Isaiah 40 & 41 were on the agenda. Coincidence? I think not.

I’ve read Isaiah 40 lots of times -- seen its last verse plastered on countless numbers of t-shirts, posters, coffee mugs, and every father’s day gift from here to yonder. But for some reason, at 2 o’clock in the morning, the association was initially missed as I began reading the chapter with fresh eyes.

Chapter 40 deals with the Greatness of God. It starts off by talking about the preparations for Christ; things were set in place in order so that “then the glory of the Lord will be revealed.” Upon Christ’s arrival, “like a shepherd he will tend His flock. In His arm He will gather the lambs. And carry them in His bosom; He will lead the nursing ewes.” (It didn’t hurt that this reminded me of the meaning of my name: “little lamb/ewe of God.)

The chapter goes on to detail the Greatness of God in question form by rhetorically asking, “Who measured the waters? Who marked off the heavens? Who calculated the dust? Who measured the earth?” The rhetorically answer: God. I’ve always envisioned questions like these throughout scripture like something my mom would say instead of “because I said so,” after I’d protest by asking, “why?”

The chapter continues, giving clues in a round of Match Game. Just in case you couldn’t figure it out; in case “you don’t know or haven’t heard from the beginning -- the foundation of the earth, It is He who sits above sits above the earth, reduces rulers to nothing, and makes the judges of the earth seem meaningless.”

“Lift up your eyes on high and see who has created these stars, The One who leads forth their host by numbers, he calls them all by name; Because of the greatness of His strength of His power not one of them is missing.

Still don’t know? Still haven’t heard? He? The One? Well, let’s get more specific.

28“The Everlasting God, the Lord, the creator of the ends of the earth. Does not become weary or tired. His understanding is inscrutable.

29 He gives strength to the weary. And to the one who lacks might He increases power.

30 Though youths grow weary and tired, and vigorous young stumble badly,

31 Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.”

I like how it’s not just God, but “1)The Everlasting God, 2)The Lord, 3)The creator of the ends of the earth.” Surely one of those will ring a bell. And The Everlasting God doesn’t grow weary or tired -- completely the opposite! Strong and mighty, God gives to the weak and weary because there’s no worry that it will run out because God IS. I love the fact that the result -- “mount up with wings like eagles,” “run and not get tired,” “walk and not become weary” -- is not an outcome of one who always strong and powerful. It’s guaranteed that “youths grow weary and tired and stumble badly,” New strength is gained from waiting, giving time to make ready the landscape for God to bless.

[WARNING!: THE FOLLOWING BLOG CONTAINS FLASHBACKS. DO NOT BE ALARMED. TRY TO KEEP UP. DO NOT BE AFRAID TO REREAD IF NECESSARY.]

The Arrogant Texan is back from sabbatical. I didn't go far, but a lot has happened since my last blog. I moved back to Fort Worth. I'm currently jobless. What a perfect time to start blogging again.

I'll start with the move . . . With rising gas prices and four years of tiredly driving back and forth (2-hour round trip), I figured it would be just as economical and EASIER to closer to work. So around the beginning of the new year, I began the process of apartment shopping, and after looking at several properties, I found my new home, which in fact, was my old home. I moved back to the complex I lived in before I moved to Waxahachie. Crazy? Not really. I really liked it the first time: location -- away from the hectic, yet close enough to everything; complex size -- small, quiet and absent from the feeling of human sardines in three story fish cans. I signed the lease the first of March and was moved in by the middle of March. Two months later, I was handed a letter of layoff. Three months later, I am jobless.

On May 12, 2008, I, along with three other colleagues, were given letters of termination, explaining due to budget cuts we were being let go. Seems the seminary was having money problems and our retrenchment was the first of several to come to help solve the money problems. The solution was to get rid of career salaried with benefit personnel and replace them with cheaper hourly workers without benefits. Thoughtfully (don't forget I'm sarcastic), we were allowed to work 30 days while we looked for other work, informed that after those 30 days there would be no severance or qualifying for unemployment benefits.

On Wednesday, June 11, 2008, six days shy of 8 ½ years, my career with SWBTS and Roberts Library ended. (*PAUSE* take a moment here if needed.)

The ironic part was two months before receiving my letter, I had already started the process of looking for another job. Over the last couple of years, I begin to feel more and more the separation of my beliefs/ideas from the organization I which I was working. I brushed off and gussied up the ol' resume and sent it out. A week before the delivery of my layoff letter, doors started to open. I interviewed with the public library system, and was contacted by the Human Resource Director of a major university via the recommendation of a friend. Like anything, my layoff didn't come as shock to God, who seemed to already be turning the wheels for the next chapter of my life.

I'm not going to lie, it came as a shock, and I think I went through the standard stages of grieving any loss (probably still going through some of the processes). The hardest thing for me was (still is) my workers. I've been a boss for over seven years, and felt like I was just getting the process down. My workers, are my family, and I hated to think what might be in store for them. Talking with Re"bec"ca, my sister, just the other day, I still got choked up, but she put it the best way -- I saw it as my responsibility to care for and protect them. I was glad to be going -- felt freer by the day, but was afraid of how this might effect their stability. I had just had two workers leave for the summer with the intent on hiring them back, and now I didn't know if it would happen because I wouldn't be there to make sure it happened. Those were the two toughest e-mails I had to write, and the only time in the 30 days that I had an emotional meltdown at work. Again, my mom reminded me, "Rachael, just like your situation didn't come as a surprise to God, your workers' situations didn't come as surprise to God either." I had to remind myself of that plenty of times over those 30 days.

I've always had a problem with that first step of blind faith. I like security, plans, organization, and lists -- lots of lists. My plan was to have another job secured, give my two week notice, and ride off into the sunset towards a new job -- no disruption in finances or other securities a full-time job provides. I guess this is my time to get a BIG lesson in the faithfulness of God.

And so the lesson begins. Stay tuned.